so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
