Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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