I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
