If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He passed out mid-signature
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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