i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
