He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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