So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
