If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
