Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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