"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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