i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
