i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
