A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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