Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
