I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
