My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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