I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
