i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
