I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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