we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
