Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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