smell my finger.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
