Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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