so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
