Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
the liver wants what the liver wants
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
