I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
