he told me I talked like a deaf person
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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