hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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