So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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