i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
