Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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