Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
