margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
dude i'm inner monologue high
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize