i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
