I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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