hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
