Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i drank out of a bidet.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
