Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
