make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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