I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
