3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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