and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
