Please, let me fuck your mom
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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