when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
