i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
