You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize