I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
