yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
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Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
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Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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