there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
