Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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