My first STD was from a foam party
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having hate sex.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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