is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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