Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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