Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
