A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Holy sore nipples Batman
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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