she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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