yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
