Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Randomize
