Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
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Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
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I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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