To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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