Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
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Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
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P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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